My dad broke my heart before any boy could. I’m sorry for such a depressing topic, I’ll try not to make it so upsetting. Well growing up I had a pretty good childhood. We went on vacations, as a kid I didn’t worry about money or financial problems, I had friends. It was all good. I ever remember we went to Disney. I don’t remember nothing about it but, I guess it was great from the pictures I seen. We were the picture perfect family really. But, do you know that saying, “fake it till you make it”? Yeah, that’s what happen between us… But, we didn’t make it. Once I turned 4 my parents divorced. I was too young to even realize what happen or why they were doing it but it happen. The one mistake I made was picking and choosing sides. I still regret that till this day because not only did I hurt my mom but I lost her trust. I played two sides with my mom, one day I love her with all my heart then another I hated her with all of my guts. I was too young to understand why they did what they did but I wasn’t too young to understand what I was doing to my mom. My mom. My birth giver. Care giver. The person that would take a bullet to the head for her kids. What hurt the most was no matter what happen between us she would talk about me to her friends like I was an angel. Something I’m not. I asked for many things and she was the one that provided. I cried every Sunday leaving my dad to go to her house, I can only imagine how that made her feel… Years passes around when I was 12 I realized that I hated my dad. My dad went through many girl friends and girls that are “friends” and he always put us first till he met this one girl that changed him. Changed him bad. It got to the point that he stopped calling me, said he loved me less, never came to pick me up or never took us out to eat every Saturday morning. Everyone knew I was such a daddy’s girl, she knew it and she changed it. Everywhere we went, she went. She was just a girlfriend, she didn’t have to come with us to family events. I didn’t want her near me anymore or my brother. Especially her kids. I didn’t like her kids because they came first. My dad blamed us for everything, things that we didn’t do was our fault. I told my mom about it but I didn’t want her to get involved because it was either he goes to jail for never paying child support or paying $350 a week of child support. I still loved my dad so I didn’t want that to be options. Anyway… Let’s skip all the way to December 14, 2014. The day that my god brother was getting married. We woke up extra early to attend the ceremony and everything else but guess why we didn’t even go? Because of his girlfriend… I honestly never hated someone in my life, but she was certainly close to it. They got in a big argument because he’s my dads god son. Then guess what happens? She left him! FINALLY. God knows how long I waited for that. When I went to go comfort him, he pushed me away and left. I didn’t know what to do so I called my mom. I packed everything up and I left. I felt bad because he’s my dad but, he chose a women over his own kid. A women that left him, never loved him, wanted his mom, a place to stay. Over his kid, the person that loves him, looks up to him, cares for him, will never leave him no matter what… But I can tell when I’m not wanted. Ever since I’ve been with my mom, I tried to fix us and show her that I’m sorry. My dad is still in my life but I’m too smart to let it happen. I think he’s the reason why I have trust issues. But one day it’ll get better. I know I have my mom through anything reason why I do everything I do for her. So, I’m sorry mom.
I seriously don’t know why these little boys think it’s okay to be so friendly when you get right into a relationship. Like right when you’re single you the ugliest person and they have no interest in you. Then BOOM you’re automatically so attracted to me? Just last week you thought I was ugly. Boys are honestly so dumb and they think with their head… If you know what I mean. Oh yeah, there are three type of boys when you reject them. The first is the respectful boy. You tell him you’re in a realationship he respects it and keeps going on with his life. The second is the rude boy. You tell him you’re in a realationship and they just start calling you ugly, a hoe, and a stupid young girl… Like you wasn’t just in my inbox calling me beautiful? Wow okay. The last is a liar. You tell him you’re not interested and then he goes on social media lying about you, saying things you didn’t do, and if they are bold enough they will run it back to your boyfriend. Like isn’t drama for girls? Grow a pair and just go ruin someone else’s life that isn’t mine. Also going out in public with your boyfriend and other boys don’t know how to act. If you see me walking with my boyfriend do not try to talk to me. I don’t want to talk to you. Oh yeah!!! Girls are nasty too. They don’t care if you’re in a relationship or not, they will still go after your boy. They will tell you, “I’m a friend of his.” Oh really? Because he has me, me on my cycle, me on my bad days, me on my good days, etc. I think that’s more friends than he needs. I’m just saying, because seriously were you guys raised right?